I never thought I’d ever have this experience. Ever. But recently it has started to happen here and there, from well-meaning, “sold out” Christians like the one I used to be. I started noticing how some of them look at me. Linger with some words. Hesitate. They are fighting the fight I know all too well. They are wondering how they should go about trying to get me saved. I know, because I used to be one of them…
I used to always size up new friends as to where they stand spiritually. Were they actual atheists? Or maybe just nominal Christians with no spiritual interests? Did they perhaps call themselves Christian, but didn’t have that encounter with Jesus that gave them entrance into the elite club of the born-again? But wait – what about those born again but not spirit-filled? And of course even among those born again and spirit-filled, there were just so many who didn’t believe the full gospel as I had heard it. Truly, narrow is the road…
Such an amount of judgment left most people on the sidelines of my life, which wouldn’t have bothered me much, if it wasn’t for this blasted thing called evangelism. Technically, I knew that whenever I had successfully judged my neighbor as unfit for the Kingdom, I should use this as the perfect moment to introduce them to the truth. Why wait? There might never be another chance…
There are not one, but several reasons why such a scenario is the worst possible situation to talk to a friend about the Christian faith. First of all, my duty is burdensome. If it wasn’t for the other’s lack of spiritual maturity, we could all just relax and hang out. But no, he has to be lost, so I have to make an effort to save him. How annoying!
Second, since I have predetermined that he doesn’t know the full truth, I have already lost any desire to find out what he believes in the first place. It’s wrong, so why listen to it? Instead, I’m looking desperately for an inroad into a conversation where I can tell him what I know. The fact that almost all of these conversations end in embarrassing and awkward disasters is then attributed to the sufferings we have to endure for the sake of Christ.
Naturally, none of us consciously think this way. But as with many things, how we act reveals what we actually think.
So how do I now find myself at the other end of the stick? It’s because through a series of events, and over a long period of time, I left this kind of Christian activity. I stayed with Jesus, but I left the guilt trip, the judging and the knowing-it-all behind (actually, just some of it – there’s still some sticky residue). I started hanging out with friends because we liked each other, not because we believed the same thing. I started getting to know people before I knew what faith they practiced or didn’t practice. And I started having friends who clearly did not believe what I believed. It has been one of the most freeing experiences of my life. I have no more spiritual agenda when I’m around somebody. We might talk about God, or we might not. It’s good either way.
I still meet and befriend fundamentalist Christians, too. Once I learn of their convictions, I mostly stay quiet about my own faith – because if I have learned one thing about faith, it’s that change has to come from within. Which means, the questions have to come from the one across from me. And as long as there are no questions, I don’t have anything to say.
My avoidance of a specific Christian vocabulary naturally lets my fundamentalist friend assume I’m an unbeliever. This gets confirmed when they see me hang out with people who drink, swear, or in some other ways commit an unpardonable sin. Now the pressure’s on for my fundamentalist friend. Since I’m clearly a seriously lost soul, tonight’s gotta be the night, or I might spend the rest of eternity in torment.
So, I have come to be the recipient of what I used to dish out. And it isn’t pretty. I sadly have to admit that I have never been judged by any group of people to the extent that Christians who assume I’m not a Christian – or not a “real” Christian, are judging me now. Which brings to mind the story of my friend (let’s call him Chris).
The two of us used to lead the High School Bible Study group on our campus back in Switzerland in the 90’s. We navigated our young faith, which was tested daily by the very atheistic Swiss education we were receiving, and formed a strong bond with our small band of fellow believers. Our group had no denominational affiliation, and in our (beautiful) ignorance, we imagined the Christian experience to stay like that.
But life has a tendency to get in the way. Our paths diverged, and I eventually joined a fundamentalist movement, while he studied theology at a very liberal Swiss state college. During the few times our paths crossed in the coming years, I became more and more convinced that he was losing his faith and replacing it with a humanistic liberalism. Then we lost touch altogether, until one day, on a furlough from the mission field in India, I felt the urge to reconnect with Chris. But I wasn’t going to meet him alone. I had a special weapon to fire my salvation attack with – my husband.
David had been a true heathen before meeting Jesus, and I thought that no one could reach an apostate better than a reformed sinner. We met at a café, and after reacquainting and some small talk, I went straight to work, asking David to tell his story of how he had been lost but now was found. Chris politely listened and told us he was happy for us. After an awkward moment (can you imagine, reader?) I summoned all my evangelistic powers and shot the inevitable “So-where-do-you-stand-with-Jesus?” arrow.
Chris looked at us with a hard-to-read expression. Maybe it was hurt, maybe it was tiredness, maybe just bewilderment. I will never forget what he said next, and it played a role in starting my journey to freedom. “I thought you were on a furlough? Don’t they ever give you a break and just let you be yourselves?”
It wasn’t only the suggestion that I didn’t resemble the friend he had in school anymore. It was also the assumption that we were being worked like puppets, following commands and fulfilling our duty toward “them”, the religious leaders. This was what we had been shaking our heads at back in the high school days – fanatic people becoming someone else in order to appease a system they were caught in. And although I was never actually forced to do anything by any group, the (sometimes not so) subtle pressure to evangelize had turned me into someone unrecognizable to Chris, this friend from my days of falling in love with Jesus.
It was time to find my way back.
jeffbond123 says
I love your vulnerability shown by sharing this, Judith. I completely agree that the decision to follow Christ must come from within and it also takes humble servants like you to be a wonderful example of His Grace. I’ve learned to be thankful for my brokenness and adversity in the times where I was lost so that I could truly come to know what God’s love, patience, and forgiveness looks like. The times I’ve fallen have all turned out to be blessings in disguise that result in a greater perspective. We all experience different paths and hopefully, they all lead to our salvation. My hope is that I can serve God and others in a way that glorifies His holy name and furthers His Kingdom every day and let him be the judge of all things. Godspeed on your continued blogging journey – keep writing and inspiring!
Judith Forgoston says
Thanks for sharing, Jeff! “Let Him be the judge of all things” – this is such a powerful concept. A Christian who realizes that judging is never his job (not the kind of negative judging that is done by most people, anyway) becomes free himself and frees those around him to open up and make themselves vulnerable. That’s when we actually start to represent Christ…
cadeimy says
I’m currently studying Christian Worldview as part of my Bachelor’s degree. I really enjoyed reading your post. Having different views does not mean we have to ultimately share those views or force them onto each other. We still can be connected, learn from each other, and love and respect each other.
Judith Forgoston says
Christin, I totally agree. Respect towards the other is the prerequisite of expanding our own world!
rosaliesuarez says
This is a great read!!! And food for thought. I can def. relate and need to think on this topic some more. Thank you for writing and sharing this. Well written too!
Judith Forgoston says
Thank you for your comment, Rosalie. I’m looking forward to your thoughts about it!♥️
Guy Granger says
Beautiful and poignant! Your words resonate so powerfully for me as I have walked a similar path. Deconstructing from a hell doctrine, and unlearning all the religious hogwash I have been brainwashed with since I was a child has not been an easy road, but so worth it! Thank you for sharing xxx
Judith Forgoston says
Hi Guy! Thanks for sharing. Yes, the deconstruction is so important – and so is the reconstruction, where we again learn to find that what we loved or were drawn to in the first place… whas there something like that for you that you would like to find back to?
Suzan Cartagena says
I loved your blog. I think there are a lot of recovering fundamentalists out there and even more that are infected with the same same malady but because their religious box keeps them reigned in so tight, they are afraid to allow themselves the freedom to think outside of that box. I believe your writings will give people like them the courage to step over their own boundaries. Good for you. I believe God is going to use your writing in a powerful way. I can already think of several people that can benefit from your blog and I am going to pass it on to them!
Judith Forgoston says
Hey Suzan, thanks for sharing your thoughts and for your encouraging words. God outside the box…. this is something I’ve been thinking about for years. And of course the challenge is to not take Him out of one just to put Him into the next one (even if that’s bigger)… which would be so easy to do!
Lesley says
Hi Judith,
Thanks for clarifying the thought for me. I have often wondered why i felt it better to keep silent when my school friend goes on about her view of who and what i am and should be doing.. it was hurtful and annoying but over time i hear subtle changes. Its like you said, the question has to come from within them. Sometimes i felt i had to defend my beliefs but the result was not a good. I shall be more patient. Also look again at my own ‘lens’. God bless you.
Judith Forgoston says
Hi Lesley! What kind of results did you see when you tried to defend your beliefs? I would love to hear more about this!
Greg Nicholaides says
Hey Judith:
Reading your story and your reaction to Chris’ question at the end reminded me of how hard it can be to find our identity in Christ. One of my favorite Bible verses is Gal. 2:20. It became one of my favorites after reading Dan Stone’s The Rest of the Gospel. In fact, I had to read Stone’s book twice before it started to sink in. When we learn to get out of the way so that Christ can live His life through us, we begin to understand that our identity now comes from Him. Labels like fundamentalist, charismatic, evangelical, pentecostal, etc. aren’t from Christ. They’re man-made distinctions that tend to obscure the fact that a Christian is simply a follower of Christ. A follower’s identity comes from what or whom they are following. As we learn how to be rather than do Christ-likeness, the stress and anxiety of doing is replaced with the freedom and joy of being in-Christ.
Judith Forgoston says
Greg, thanks for your thoughts! I agree with you that labels are always an insufficient way to try and describe a person’s relationship with God. Or, as Kierkegaard said, “if you label me, you negate me”. Our identity is never in a church denomination or a specific way of following Christ, but instead in the work He performs in us to make us more like Him.
jessicadawn08 says
I have learned it’s so important to love people beyond their beliefs, differing opinions, past, present, etc. Jesus never had a prerequisite, but He always guided people to the Father and His love. I grew up in religion, my time in India certainly changed that. Even when I thought I wasn’t religious, I learned just how much of a Pharisee I was. Jesus certainly helped me and still is, and a loving husband has helped lead me out of that mentality. Thank you for writing and sharing this. Looking forward to more!
Judith Forgoston says
Thank you, Jessica. Jesus has no prerequisites. I love that! But it’s not that easy for us to imitate that…
jessicadawn08 says
No, it is not. 😊 I really related to what you said about appeasing a system. If I was told to jump, I was expected to ask how high lol.
Vijay says
Hi Judith awesome to hear your teaching after long time. In way this helps me to recognise i have become too much fundamentalist. Thanks greetings to David and kids.
Judith Forgoston says
Hi Vijay! So good to hear from you! I think we all have some of these fundamentalist tendencies in us (see my reply to Karolina), but it looks different for everybody. Recognizing it is the first step into more freedom. If we desire freedom for ourselves and others, God will help us to get there.
ashishsarah says
Hi Judith. Thanks for this blog. The immediate reaction after reading this is, it takes me back to 2014 where you guys helped me to journey through ‘Wisdom Hunter ‘ series. Can relate to your journey. It brings such a freedom reading these words. You both are awesome!
Judith Forgoston says
Hey Ashish! So good to hear from you. Ahh… Wisdom Hunter. Still one of my favorite books ever. Randall Arthur played a big part in helping David and I move in a direction of freedom.
Karolina says
Dear Judith. So brave of you to share your thoughts like this. I am intrigued to hear more.
I don’t know what you mean by a fundamentalist.
Were the first disciples fundamentalists? Or the Pharisees? Or who do you classify as that?
Maybe I’m one…
I just love Jesus, spend time with Him. He keeps on changing me to love people more and being humble. After spending time with him, I am full of peace, and love and other people notice it. Sometimes he leads me to say something often not. I hang out with all kinds of people and many of then believe something else. But there is nothing better than to gather with my one heart one soul brothers and sisters and worship Jesus.
I love to hear more
❤️🤗
Karolina
Judith Forgoston says
Hi Karolina! That is a great question. By a fundamentalist mindset I’m talking about my own worldview at that time – a worldview that wouldn’t allow any others next to it. I was scared of people who believed differently, and therefore judged them as wrong so I would feel better.
To me, fundamentalists aren’t necessarily a group of people (or a denomination), but it’s a condition where you divide the world into Us and Them – and They have to be wrong in order for Us to be right. The antidote to fundamentalism, therefore, is to remember that God loves everybody, whether they believe in Him the way I do or not.
I understand what you’re saying that there’s “nothing better than to gather with one heart one soul brothers and sisters”. It’s what family does – it gives you a sense of home and belonging, and I enjoy it immensely as well. Jesus surrounded himself with his family, his disciples. The art is to then, like him, go out and mingle with other circles and invite people in, accepting the tension this might bring, and celebrate life with those who are like us and with those who are not. It sounds to me as if you are doing exactly that, which is wonderful! ♥️
Jeannine says
Well said and thoughtful Judith! My favorite line is ‘the questions have to come from the one across from me’. You have been on this journey your whole life and the end is not in sight yet!
Judith Forgoston says
Thanks Jeannine! Yes, we had talked about this way back in our group.. but like you said, you never “arrive” at truly encountering people without preconceived notions! I always remember you as a person with a wonderfully free spirit who made people at ease no matter what they were going through.
Debora Spadino says
Love it Judith and I can relate!
I think to truly meet friends and foes without an agenda, can only happen if I free myself from the eternal in & out scenario. Otherwise the only loving thing-no matter how awkward and painful it is, -is to try to evangelize every free minute!
Once I come to trust God’s journey with each and everyone out there, I can relax and know that he will bring to a good end the life he has started.
Judith Forgoston says
Hi Debbie! Thanks for your thoughts. Yes, I believe like you that the pressure – however internal – to evangelize only keeps us from truly meeting the person we’re talking to. On the other hand, just being interested in who they are, actually opens up ways for God to show Himself to them.